i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
