my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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