I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
