Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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