You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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