I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I think my fart just growled at me.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
