I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I think i peed on brittanys purse
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize