My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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