i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
