I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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