And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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