Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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