alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
