not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
