you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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