we should wear snuggies to the strip club
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Randomize
