he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
