After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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