The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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