I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
