chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
