tell your sister to shave her snatch
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
