the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
