My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
two words...techno handjob
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
