i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
