I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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