I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
operation harelip BJ is a go
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
