A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
