3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I'm passing your future prison.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
