I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
