Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize