he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
