Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize