Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
