So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
