Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
So here I am, sexting at work.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
