Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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