so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
