i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
