Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
