are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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