I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Randomize
