Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
