How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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