I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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