Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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