I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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