Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
