I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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