I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
