can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
