1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
