I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
