i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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