i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
