and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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