I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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