When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize