Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
