my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
