According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
