I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
