I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize