Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
